Do you ever wonder what it feels like to do things you don’t want to do only because your body reacts to absolutely everything? Probably only families and therapists of people like me have.
Not knowing what it is like to be fully in control, I may not be able to describe it in a way that you could fully get, but I will do my best to give you a glimpse.
Many people think that people with autism are absolutely just misbehaving. I wish I had the control to willfully think of what I wanted to do and execute it. Only with the greatest of occasional unassisted purposefulness can I make a little mischief intentionally. Just allowing myself to dream of the funny things I would do is all I get.
Allowing a fully capable dangerous autistic to dream of tricks would make a great guide for misbehaving kids. I bet our ideas are brilliantly thought out.
Being a slave to impulse is much like being on a diet then wondering how that forkful of calorie and sugar filled cake ended up in your mouth. Except you do have an ability to stop, rationalize, and not have a bite. We eat the cake like it is the last meal we will ever have, 100% joyfully and impulsively.