Being silent doesn’t mean I’m not listening.

I often hear relatives of “non-verbal” children with autism commenting that they don’t think their kids understand.  I am hear to tell you they do.

My parents have always spoken to me like a regular kid – no baby talk or dumbed down language.  Sometimes I feel for kids who’s parents have been led to believe that baby talk is appropriate.  They never get treated with respect.

All my life I have worked harder than anyone to communicate my wants and needs.  Happy to always be a hard worker, but exhausting for everyone.  My body now has stuck patterns of behaviour from those times I did not communicate with Mommy doing the letter board – 12 years of 100% working my butt off just to get some mango.

Don’t get me wrong, Mommy buster her buns with love so I could use my voice to ask for food.  Having that has helped us a lot.

However, I sometimes wish I had learned to spell to communicate sooner.

We all have language, we just can’t speak.  So “non-verbal” is an inaccurate label, almost as ridiculous and demeaning as low-functioning (but I will save that rant for another day).

My biggest wish is for non, minimally, and unreliably speaking people to be always joyfully respected and justifiably included.

Jordyn

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Can we all stop being so afraid?

Dear World,

I am writing to ask you to stop being so afraid of being different that your fellow humans.

I know we are all hard-wired to survive, and people who are different are a possible threat.  However, until they are actually inherently a true threat to all you hold dear, allow yourself the opportunity to discover how they see, and operate in the World.  You may just learn something.

We are also hard-wired for community.  100% wanting to fit in.  Always being careful not to say, or do, that which might have us ousted from our tribe.  However, nothing progresses or basically doesn’t expand, without innovative contributions.  Can’t we honour ourselves by always being self-expressed?

Always and Forever,

Jordyn

Can we all care just a little more?

Do you understand when a person with autism is being badly behaved that they have no control over these impulsive actions?

I was having a hard time yesterday because of pressure in the atmosphere.  Headache and body aches galore.

Always asking kindly about what is happening is so helpful.

We went out for my favourite breakfast.  Being a harder body day I stalled until a time that is usually empty.  Am moving, just slowly hoping to avoid a crowd.

Well, that didn’t work.  It is fall and everyone and their aunt was out to see the leaves or hike.  The place was full full full.  So now add on the sensory input and emotions input of the crowd.  A wee bit on edge I was.

To deal I requested headphones and iPad.  I have been working hard on not relying on iPad and being present at breakfast talking with family, but knew it wasn’t a day to work on that.  And guess what?  The WiFi didn’t want to work.  Yes, you read that correctly.

So, my body starts to scream and mush Mommy and yell!  Can you see the whole picture?

All I want is to be good sitting with family eating and chatting, but the cards are stacked against me.

Now add the reactions of the other diners.  While no one said anything I could feel them start to judge and be annoyed.

If only they could understand how I wish to absolutely be an ideal patron.  Or all have one moment where they have no body control.  Then maybe they could muster compassion and caring, and discover love and acceptance as demonstrated by my parents.

I always am my own worst critic, I don’t need their help.  I’ve got that covered.

Jordyn

Can being an angel be real?

Again, just suspend your disbelief as I share my experience of life.

Do all humans age and die?  I’m living in an aging body that is experiencing many changes right now.  Totally hormone based and frankly annoying.  Being stuck in this sea of annoying and uncontrollable emotion surges is like being and doing basically just my walking version of a chemical based biological 100% angelic boy, and pretty much feeling hopeful it is over soon.

Wishing I could skip this part of the human, joyfully growing up, experience.

How do people deal with this junk messing with them?  Always being erratic and reactive is not my favourite.

A divine being is calm, wise, and collected.  Can’t always be beautifully angelic when my body is a slave to hormone surges.  This really sucks.

To 100% believe I am an angel in human form, people expect serenity, joy, and beauty.  Instead I am not always serene or happy, and now I have acne!

Being angelic,

Jordyn

Do bad people always behave in terrible very wrong ways?

All last night I had such a hard time sleeping.  Being a caring and sensitive soul, I could feel the pain of the victims in Edmonton and Las Vegas.

I am totally at a loss of words to describe their emotions.  All came so quickly and powerfully over me.

Do bad people not have another outlet for their anger?

Totally was overwhelmed with the flood of anguish and felt sick to my stomach all night.  Always caring Mommy helped me stay grounded and snuggled me all night.

Basically, just could not block the waves of distraught and shock from effecting me.  To be clear this is not a reaction to being told of these horrendous acts, this is me feeling them as they happen.

I do my very best to always protect myself with crystals, but I don’t think any crystal would have been enough.  There is a different feel to events like last night, where single humans be filled with such rage and act it out on innocent people.  I am always effected by worldly tragedy, however this type of senseless violence has a flavour all its own.

When will humanity learn that love is the answer?

Jordyn