I have written about this before and feel sometimes so weird talking about it. I say I am an open book, and yet I hesitate to fully share my gifts that may not sit well in some circles. I love my gifts, and am very protective of not being accepted. My work as an autism advocate is so important that I don’t want to colour it with anything that would deter someone from taking my experience in this uncontrollable body to heart. I just have to trust that this audience is mature enough to listen openly.
I will say again that this is my experience and I am only speaking from it. I want to ensure you don’t leap to any conclusion about a student or child you work with. Their experience is their experience. It sucks that I have to say all this preamble because what I have to offer is so outside some people’s realm of thinking, and I think it necessary to support those who need a hand held to pass through to a loving possibility they have not considered. Let me hold your hand and not pull you through a door, but share with you a little of what I experience on the other side. Just hang out in the doorway if that is what is currently comfortable for you.
Ok so now…
I have shared before of the experience of living in an emotional soup. How I feel the negativity in the air, whether from one individual or from a group. How it can tip me from a regulated productive state to a complete mess of impulsivity in an instant. Look back in the archives by searching “emotions”, “soup”, and “good human” to find more posts about this.
I want to do my best to explain this experience. I had a very interesting episode of this during this week. I get how it is hard to relate if you don’t have similar experiences, and I will do my best to give you a sense of it.
Do you ever feel awesome and then all of a sudden get hit with a wave of nausea? Maybe you ate too much or ate something that was funky. You are good and then in a blink you are not. Please imagine it if you haven’t experienced what I’m talking about. Well, amplify the drain on you and how your ability to function is impaired by 10, and that is close to my experience with one deeply sad or angry person entering the building or space I am in. And the result for me is immediate dysregulation. I lose all control I may have had and have to fight through the dysregulation to regain composure and control. Can’t tell you how many place and times Mom caringly deals with the fall out.
Good to say that it isn’t just a reaction to the individual’s emotions, but that I am genuinely designed to help. So it is almost like I take their sadness, anger, fear, or other negative emotional state into myself so they have some relief. I have little control over this energy exchange, but am learning to temper my reaction to it.
Do you know that feeling when you are recovering from the flu and still aren’t quite yourself? When you are feeling like you are slogging your way through the day. Well, my experience of most of life is like that. Except it isn’t a virus poaching my vitality it’s that soup of general dischord we live in.
Do positive intense emotions effect me? Yes, and they are easier to process and don’t take as big a toll on my ability to function. I’ll take happiness, excitement, exhuberance or joy over hate, anguish or fear anyday.
Can you have some compassion for caring children who are assisting you through harder times energetically? Can you get clear that your love, joy, and peace are so important to us and for us? Perhaps there are energetically sensitive children in your circle. They may not be able to articulate this fantastic gift they are born with, whether non-speaking or highly chatty. Let the possibility inform you. You may have been given a giant gift of a teacher that is focussed on you learning emotional balance with weight on the side of joy. If you open to the possiblity it opens you observe impulsive actions and dysregulation through another possible lense.
Mom has learned to be way more chill, live a more balanced life, and explores things she would not have considered without the gift of me. Not to toot my own horn, but I think her life is so much more fulfilled for having listened to my actions from before I could communication and from having listened to my communication now that I can share my experience of life. She grows daily and it is beautiful to witness.
Photo credit: ID 3450618 © Marilyn Barbone | Dreamstime.com